Its been a while since i last wrote, sometimes a break is good...

sometimes a break can break the pattern... like now, after 3 weeks i feel so lazy to go to the gym.....

or  writing - i hardly write these days, my supervisor's request for a complete proposal has been shelved for more than a month....i dun even write here. That means i dont even do leisurely writing...

wonder what i am doing....

just thinking about whats in store for me this year scares me.. i feel the butterflies flying and singing in my tummy....i never thought and never wanted to be in a situation of doing phd and working at the same time. especially my line of work requires me to work about 10 or at times 12 hours a day... so where am i going to find time for my own research?

but here i am finally going to do it.....

i think i need a miracle this year...

i felt a strong need to conclude 2008 before i wake up to 2009....

everything which took place in year 08 matters; it will go down in my journal as the year i decided what to do for the rest of my life. as i travelled  to more than 15 cities across continents ...2008 feels as a year of million colours and faces

and yet i felt empty... its a year filled with vast emptiness.... as though all these million faces and people i met does not matter. so i wonder; perhaps its true that above all the things in the world, what really matters is to have someone to share your joy? 

its a year i came to realize that having someone who loves you is not sufficient... love seems to be more complicated... perhaps its age. simplicity... suddenly that seem to be a concern too

in 2008 it seems my priorities has changed.... a timely change marking the entry into 30's....

and now for the first time since the beginning of 2009, i feel the need to see whats in store for me... and i feel the need to breathe and function

i can easily list about 10 things within couple of minutes. but i decided i shall not dwell upon things which are meant to be complicated such as if there is god etc.

my simplest wish is to able to read maps and sort of having the ability  to comprehend how one street is connected to the other.... i can drive on part of the city and another part of the city but somehow i cant connect these two; unlike my frens.. heck i cant even read street directory...so unless am taught by someone I can forget abt knowing shortcuts.

i think its been there forever; when i was younger, i fail when it comes to the topic where it involves figuring out how a certain block will look like when you turn it around, then when I went to high school its chemistry and the bonds.. I just can never ever figure it out.

i know to most people it comes natural; but not to me... i gave up trying... and just told myself no one is perfect; either i havent found the key yet or some part of my brain is really not lighted up.